Friday, July 02, 2010



Errr, hello? It's me?

It's been so long, I've forgotten what you look like!  Oh, but how I have missed all your little japes, and the way your dimples tilt upwards when you laugh!  Ahhh, it's been months since we shared a quiet gin and tonic and munched on chippies.  Yes, yes, I know - you still like ketchup and I still prefer HP Brown Sauce - but some things will never change.  At least we agree on the piri piri mayo side of things - we could never have too much of that good thing, could we?

I trust you've been behaving whilst I have been away?  Good.  I really have been away too - here, there and everywhere. I undertook what felt like a whistle-stop tour of Europe - literally a few nights here, a few nights there and then a few nights everywhere else.  It rained in Cannes, it rained in Andalusia - in the mountains and on the coast - and apparently it's also due to rain in Rome when my path may cross it. I really need to buy more WD40 before my mechanics halt with rust.  The trip(s) were part pleasure, part work and the recces I did whilst in Spain were ever so worthwhile - returning me to the UK with a big smile and a lovely bunch of contacts who will be more than happy to have a film crew irritating the hell out of them for a bit.  It's how I roll.

I suppose you want to know what I've been up to then?  Hmmm.  Complicated.  Lots of stuff.  This, of course, comes with the territory as I am neither one thing or another but all at the same time, and in one pot.  I'm currently writing a TV pilot, producing a different TV pilot¹, producing a very marvellous feature², developing/self-shooting D/P a doco and I'm also looking at a different way of working and production which could be very good fun. "0110: Twisted Tales & Glorious" may be the first victim - I mean, trial - but more on that another time. Well you get the picture - life is good and any more talk of my stuff on my own blog and I shall be accused of self wank publicity - and heaven forbid that should happen. ;0)  I often think it's odd how Producing has crept up on me like it has - but apparently you can't actually call yourself a Producer until your 4th feature, so I guess that makes me a Producer-in-Waiting-Bum.  Well, whatever it is that I spend my days doing, I really do enjoy it and apparently I am quite good at it, which is rather lovely for everyone else, too³.  I do miss the immersive creation that comes with writing and directing though, so there's no chance I could 'just' Produce, I don't think. Although, I have to say, budgets can be quite creative and if the money's right...

More than anything recently, I have been quite studious.  Quiet.  Still.  Observing.  Hiding from the light whilst constantly seeking out talent for in front of and behind the camera, crunching numbers one minute, researching words that go together, the next.  I have now emerged from my shell a little but I fully intend to retreat back very soon.  It's not that I don't love you all, it's just the noise, you see.  The digital white noise, it deafens me.  It's everywhere.  And it has done my head in.  Sorry.  But I only do online when necessary.

Every day I receive in the region of 100-200 emails (some people think I am worth a punt, obviously).  I flag them up to respond, as follows:
  1. I will die a painful, torturous death if I don't reply immediately
  2. I will self-combust if I don't reply soon because it's so exciting
  3. I will die if I don't reply in the next hour
  4. Yes, it's important but I'll reply after torturous death, certain death and self-combustion ones
  5. I will reply later when I have five seconds to breathe after the death mail
  6. I will reply when I remember
  7. General news and views - tea break reading fodder
  8. Friends and relatives (non work related)
  9. I won't ever reply, so fuck off and get out of my life, my face, business & Inbox
  10. Spam, Junk and Nigerian Prince Marriage Proposals
Information overload, every morning. And that's just email. So please, if you are waiting for an answer to anything, bear with me. Just don't threaten me or get too sassy, otherwise you will be flagged as No 9 along with the exes. On the other hand if I say remind me in [insert timescale here]...guess what? Remember to remind me: strangely, I said it for a reason!

I hardly ever read any blogs or Facebook pages these days either, so I have no real idea how you all are, where you all are or what you are doing; I find it virtually impossible to 'socialise' unless it's heavily work-related and my livelihood is under threat for not attending.  Having said that, when I do actually catch up with people or bump into them whilst they are also 'doing Soho' (so to speak), it's really lovely to grab a quick cuppa/G&T/Rioja and have a chinwag.

But don't fear, I haven't abandoned all technology as I can usually be found on Twitter a great deal. This is only because 140 characters don't take much thinking and I have a knack of not really noticing unless I have a message, plus it's nice to say Hi to people I haven't seen for ages. (Hi if you're not on Twitter *waves*)

I am also found to be lurking in the dark corners of eBay a lot as I am currently building up my own shooting kit.  I'm basically over there like an elephant running through a car boot sale at the moment, to be honest.  It's fun and I do like to win bids. On the other hand I can get a little stroppy if I don't [Yes, I'm talking about you, you slinky little matte box and sexy follow focus. Just so you know - I would have loved you more...]

Phew. Well, you know what? It's been lovely chatting, but my shell is calling me and I'm starting to get a bit tetchy.  I need to return to my script, the Spanish mountains and Rodrigo y Gabriella.

Until next time.

¹ 0110: Twisted Tales & Glorious of course, where have you been?
² Watch this space. There may be news, soon.
³ Of course, now I will fuck everything up and have to choke on humble pie or eat through a straw for the rest of my days
eBay is an online necessity
It's not rocket science. Mad, but not rocket science.