Werds I Wish I'd Writ

I have just written an email stating my blog was 'a bit out of date': I hang my head in shame. I hadn't realised how out of date. Man, 'Tenacious Me' was starting to look like the pack of pitta bread I found at the back of my bread bin earlier on today - but at least the blog doesn't have the same mouldy aroma though. Not unless you have a scratch and sniff screen. And if you do, well...oh, never mind.

I digress.

Unusual for me.

Anyway.

The title of this post lends itself to a thought I had earlier in the week: if I could have written anything this year, what would it have been?

I had a long chance to ponder on this whilst stuck on my local ringroad due to:

1) Sheer volume of diverted traffic from the whole of London and the South East;
2) Traffic lanes shut due to the council lopping tree branches - WTF?;
3) Xmas shoppers hell-bent on 'ring-road-lane-rage' (which comes before 'parking-space-rage' and 'I-must-buy-everything-in-the-mall-rage)
and finally, my year round favourite:
4) Traffic signals that are totally out of synch for 2 miles

So, there I was - understandably for a while - running through all the totally brilliant pieces of writing I have heard/seen over the year. I managed to bottom out my top five and, as if by magic, a little ditty started playing on the radio. Then I realised, THIS is what I wished I had written. OK, it was released on their 2005 album, "All the Right Reasons", but hey. Call me simplistic, it kicks ass. Lyrics to laugh to. And then nod.

"Rockstar" by Nickelback
I'm through with standin' in line
To clubs I'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the ninth
And I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out
Quite the way I want it to be
(Tell me what you want)

I want a brand new house
On an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub big enough
For ten plus me
(Yeah, so tell what you need)

I'll need a...a credit card that's got no limit
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club
At thirty-seven thousand feet
--(Been there done that)--

I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher and James Dean is fine for me
(So how you gonna do it?)

I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

[CHORUS]
'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blonde hair
And well...

Hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar
Hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar

I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free
(I'll have the quesadilla, ha ha)

I think I'm gonna dress my ass
With the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
Gonna date a centerfold that loves to
Blow my money for me

(So how you gonna do it?)

I'm gonna trade this life
For fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair
And change my name

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars and
Live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blonde hair
And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary of
Today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a
Drug dealer on speed dial, well
Hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar

I'm gonna sing those songs
That offend the censors
Gonna pop my pills
From a Pez dispenser

Get washed-up singers writing all my songs
Lip synch 'em every night so I don't get 'em wrong

Well we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair
And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and Today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a
Drug dealer on speed dial, well

Hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar
Hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar

Every time I hear it/see the video, it makes me smile. Hell, it makes me laugh out loud. Loving it. What a perfect take on today's 'cul-cha'. So, what would your "perfect piece of literary '07" have been?

I bid you all a very pretty, Victorian picture card Christmas.

Mwah, mwah, Sweetie.