It has been a weird day. I have gradually been coming to terms with the fact that I may not ever be able to put pen to paper/fingers to keyboard again due to creative dissolution, but then, today I found myself not only completing a majority rewrite of one of my midi scripts (too long for a short), I also went on to outline a new short which I think will be destined for the BSSC. I'm not going to put myself under any undue pressure as a) I could viably give birth at any moment; b) I have 53 days left before the comp closes and, c) if I push it too hard the idea may lose it's appeal. Which leads me to Good Dog's place and the fact he's been assessing the merits and pitfalls of the "wait and see what happens" theory.
Reading his most recent post got me thinking and reminded me of a Scottish saying my whole family chant - "Wit's fur ye'll no go by ye" - translated as "what's for you will not go by you". My Gran says it a lot. My Mum even more. One Aunt even has her own version - when you want something so bad, "give it up to the Universe". In otherwords, sometimes focusing too much on one thing causes it to go another way, and that's usually in the opposite direction to the one you wanted. I don't know why, but it's true.
Take acting, for example. I have had some wickedly fantastic castings in the past, and in particular for roles in some really big blockbuster movies. The castings have gone like clockwork, I have made all the right noises at the approriate moments, I have gelled really well with "leading man X", I have had screentests which have been received with so much glee by directors and producers alike, I thought they might release that alone as the movie. But I didn't get the roles. Maybe I focused so much of my energy on winning those roles, I actually drove them away from me? Then there are the "good, but couldn't care less if I get them" jobs - they always come through. Makes you think, huh?
Finding that fine line divide between really caring and thinking, "next", is a difficult one - but it is a balance that should be practiced. Or should it? Afterall, wit's fur ye'll no go by ye.