It has been a weird day. I have gradually been coming to terms with the fact that I may not ever be able to put pen to paper/fingers to keyboard again due to creative dissolution, but then, today I found myself not only completing a majority rewrite of one of my midi scripts (too long for a short), I also went on to outline a new short which I think will be destined for the BSSC. I'm not going to put myself under any undue pressure as a) I could viably give birth at any moment; b) I have 53 days left before the comp closes and, c) if I push it too hard the idea may lose it's appeal. Which leads me to Good Dog's place and the fact he's been assessing the merits and pitfalls of the "wait and see what happens" theory.
Reading his most recent post got me thinking and reminded me of a Scottish saying my whole family chant - "Wit's fur ye'll no go by ye" - translated as "what's for you will not go by you". My Gran says it a lot. My Mum even more. One Aunt even has her own version - when you want something so bad, "give it up to the Universe". In otherwords, sometimes focusing too much on one thing causes it to go another way, and that's usually in the opposite direction to the one you wanted. I don't know why, but it's true.
Take acting, for example. I have had some wickedly fantastic castings in the past, and in particular for roles in some really big blockbuster movies. The castings have gone like clockwork, I have made all the right noises at the approriate moments, I have gelled really well with "leading man X", I have had screentests which have been received with so much glee by directors and producers alike, I thought they might release that alone as the movie. But I didn't get the roles. Maybe I focused so much of my energy on winning those roles, I actually drove them away from me? Then there are the "good, but couldn't care less if I get them" jobs - they always come through. Makes you think, huh?
Finding that fine line divide between really caring and thinking, "next", is a difficult one - but it is a balance that should be practiced. Or should it? Afterall, wit's fur ye'll no go by ye.
give birth at any moment?
ReplyDeleteYes, indeedy...yikes. Well, a few weeks to go yet but IT.COULD. HAPPEN. AT. ANY. POINT.
ReplyDeleteOh my God that's AMAZING.
ReplyDeleteI had no idea. Congratulations!!
HOW EXCITING!!
Hence the reason why I reckon I have hardly been able to write a thing until recently - little blighter is sucking all the creative energy from me and zapping my attention span!
ReplyDeleteMmmmm - exciting? There are other words I could describe the way I feel at the moment! They all seem to be excrement based. ;)
aw bless. I'm not surprised you haven't been writing much - I wouldn't be able to think about anything else but the baby if it were me.
ReplyDeleteooooooh - I'm going to be a cyber auntie!
SQUEAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cyber auntie - I like that! This child is gonna have a HUGE extended family!
ReplyDeleteI think you are right not try to 'push it' too much. You can't force creativity! And you will have enough pushing of a different variety to do soon enough.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of which, can I be a cyber Auntie too? I'm not convinced on kiddies of my own yet, but I'd love to be an Aunt. You'd think that, as the youngest of five children some of my siblings would have obliged by now, wouldn't you? Selfish gits.
Oh, and thank you for your kind offer of power of three on my blog. I'll take you up on that, unless you give birth before then. Happy to return the favour.
And that's the kind of pushing I am dreading! Mind you I'd prefer to do a bit of pushing to Caesarean. All that tissue they've gotta cut through, no driving, carrying or bugger all for 6 weeks after - I can't believe people go for electives.
ReplyDeleteI would be delighted for you to be Cyber Auntie too - this kiddie is going to be a truly inter-cyber-national affair!
Hoorah!
ReplyDelete