Pirates of the Caribbean 3

**Mini Spoiler Alert**

"A new overseas opening record of $214 million was set by Disney international distributor Buena Vista International as "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" blasted off on 17,500 screens in 102 territories over the weekend." Hollywood Reporter International

That's a lot of non-U.S. bums on seats and a serious wad of non-U.S. moolah, but with a budget in the region of approx. USD300million, I bet there are some happy execs puffing on cigars today.

Congratulatory news aside, I'm afraid I am still not clear on what it was really about. I made some very brief notes on my popcorn carton which stated:

- Opens like "Oliver!". But where's Fagin?
- Kid slips into song - more "Oliver!" - may break into rendition of "Where is Love?"
- The tedious parts of "The Two Towers" meets epic vistas of "Troy"
- Dialogue moments of "Spartacus"; but Barbossa (Rush)...trying out a bit of "Dirty Harry"?
- For those who didn't know Keith Richards - he had a guitar identifier. Subtle.

All in all, I am sure the kids will love it. I am not going to attempt to trawl through the entire story as my head still hurts thinking about it - and also that would spoil the confusion for anyone off to see it themselves. Keira does her pouts beautifully, Orlando does Errol beautifully, Johnny does Johnny beautifully and overall, the performances are a sterling piece of work. Just thank god they don't all do each other. I would have just given up and gone home.

The cinematography is fantastic, the sound is great - it's just...wtf is it about? What was the plot - actually I'm not sure which plot I mean. Half way through (we had a convenient 10 minute break in our screening...) I turned to The Glenster and asked him "What exactly is this film, about?". He looked at me like I was a nutter (probably wondering if I had forgotten I had seen the other two films) and then shrugged his shoulders. "Dunno. Pirates?" Mmmmmm. Dunno, indeed.

At one point in the movie Captain Jack 'Sparra' (Depp) swings from the mast of one ship to another. The line of dialogue following is, ”Do you think he plans it all or just makes it up as he goes along?". He may as well have - and so might the rest of the cast in a film where, if they stood still long enough, they too would have been CGI'd to Hell - or World's End - whichever came first.

And having given up nearly three hours of my life, I fear the latter is quite possibly far worse.